Unknowingly homophobic.

At first I hear this:

Khaldor: Whatever happens Wolf, even if I'm suffocating don't give me that mouth to mouth CPR stuff. [paraphrased, I don't remember it exact. Possibly I remember it more harshly phrased, but the sentiments remains the same.]

Immediately I'm like:


Then I hear:

Khaldor: Wolf, if you even come close to touching me, I'll punch you in the face so fast... you won't even know what happened. [Again... paraphrased]

Me:



Normally that won't matter to me. But when you're broadcast to a lot of people, some of which are young, impressionable boys, even if it's said in jest, you shouldn't allow your words to insinuate and perpetuate homophobic sentiments.

The statements make me think a panic mode has been engaged, where his being perceived as gay would be this awful thing to happen.

It's the age old, even if you don't mean to be offensive, don't say "oh that's so gay", because it allows the notion that gay=bad to continue in our subconscious.

Apparently it's not a big deal and I'm the only one who thinks it was a problem. :/



Edit: After a few months, I've revisited in my mind why this whole thing upset me so much. I was a little sensitive to it already as my uncle had made some very homophobic statements at my cousin's wedding that made me sick to my stomach. I actually had to leave the table. So I think that's why I became so quickly emotional about it, as the khaldor thing happened a few days after.

I totally agree I over-reacted, but as I say to my friends, even if I do over-react, it doesn't mean I don't have a legitimate reason to be upset to begin with.

The next thing that upset me was the way he reacted. I was giving him honest feedback, and I wasn't being pushy or anything, but he reacted so defensively. He made no attempt to consider my feedback, and just threw it back in my face.

[26/05] Me: Wow Khaldor, Dying > being given CPR by a guy. Homophobic much:/

I feel like I tweeted again at some point. Just said something along the lines of "seriously bro. Please watch the way you phrase things, sometimes they can come off homophobic."

But I can't find it, so maybe I didn't tweet it in the end or something. Anyway.

[27/06] Me: @ProxyWolf Disney rocks. @Khaldor sucks. #GSL
It was just meant as a throw-away comment because Khaldor didn't like Disney, meant in jest. But it was from day before, so possibly he saw it as a direct insult etc*


[28/06] Me: Friend tries to touch you, even innocently, @khaldor is telling us punching your friend is the appropriate reaction. Ugh. Fuck this. #GSL

Khaldor: I don't really get what your deal is. If you dont like me dont follow me? Oo #GSL

Me: @Khaldor Unfortunately it's not so easy to unfollow your commentary during GSL. Your commentary is good, just need to watch your phrasing.

Khaldor: @maru_aru well suit yourself but you are developing a pretty unhealthy obsession**. And it's starting to be annoying

Me: @Khaldor Well you've read and replied, so hopefully you're more aware of it now. That's fine. I won't tweet about it anymore. Versprochen. [I Promise]

Khaldor: @maru_aru Improve what?The fact that you cant tell apart when we are joking and when we are being serious?Friendly banter, ever heard of it?

Me: @Khaldor This isn't a conversation I can have over twitter with a 150 word limit. It's more complex than that. Just ignore me. I won't tweet ***

* I recognise here that I'm being a hypocrite. I said "Khaldor sucks" in jest without any malicious intent. I'm (hopeful) that's what he meant when he said those things on stream when he did. As a public figure and a representative of Gom, he should be aware of what he says and graciously accept the criticism from the public. Especially from that of a paying customer. I do firmly believe in free speech, so if he is homophobic, more power to him. At least he knows his fans won't put up with it, but, otherwise, he should take the advice onboard. It will only help his public image. 

** This is my favourite bit. I tweeted at him about it, max 3 times (though I can only find two cases), about a month apart. And it was only prompted each time by something he specifically said. It wasn't like I tweeted constantly at him about the same incident.

*** This is when I gave up for real, he clearly had no intention of considering my feedback.

Stockholm

Let's just say, the last week has been insane. As Bilbo Baggins would say "I feel like butter, scraped over too much bread."

Tuesday, 19th June '12
The finals for Dreamhack were at about 1:30am. My phone was completely without battery and I was scheduled to leave Jonkoping at 4:30am to ensure I made it to the train station in time for my train to Stockholm at 6am. So, I decided to stay up. I had no alarm available and I was nervous I wouldn't wake up anyway. Let's just say the following 48 hours were hell.

Anyway, I met some weird Swedish teenagers at the bus stop who thought I was 17 and were trying to come onto me. They'd gone for one day just for the live music that was there on the final night... and all they had were pockets full of condoms. It was weird, but they were nice enough and kept me company till my train came.

I arrive at Stockholm around 9:30. Exchange my money, get some food. Sit on the internet for a bit at a super fancy McDonalds. I decide I will look at the National Museum and walk down there. It was a relatively hot day and my shit was heavy, but I made it and it was a nice walk.

I went to the National Museum, and it was really awesome. It had such an ecclectic collection of things. Furniture, glassworks, fashion, antiques, paintings, tapestries... etc. It was really nice. There was one room that had about three or so works from François Boucher, one of my favourite artists, and I almost died of happiness. Just wanted to pitch a tent and never leave.

Stockholm in general was so beautiful, I really wish I'd had more time to just explore the city. It was truly beautiful. I hope to go back one day for longer to actually experience it, especially at a time when I'm not so tired.

Dream Hack - Day 3

Today's post will be quite sparse regarding both pictures and news. This last day went by much as the last few, and I've already taken all the possible pics I could. So the pictures I have to present are all fairly innocuous and dull.

I never did manage to catch White-Ra.

D'Apollo - Probably the only decent photo I got all day.

Anyway. Spent much of the day going back and forth between the two stages. Was super sad when Hero got knocked out by Mana, but considering he then went on to win the whole thing should be some comfort at least to the guy. I quite enjoyed the banter between stephano and mana, I'm still unsure whether it was in jest or not. I think it was :/ haha

Anyway, pictures.

The halls are a mess. Boys are filth wizards. 

                                                                  Line to get into finals arena

Random picture of Fraer. Why not. 

Dream Hack - Day 2

UGH. I just wrote up this entire post and then deleted it by mistake. STUPID TRACKPAD. So mad right now!

Now you're all going to get a short ass version, cause I'm too annoyed to rewrite everything.

Day 2. Slept lots, kept having naps during the day. Watched lots of Starcraft. Spent hours waiting to get a photo with Huk. Good day all around. Although sleeping on wood sucks every kind of hairy ball in existence. My aches have their own aches right now. And Sweden is too cold, I'm wearing two jackets and a sleeping blanket and yet I still wake up shivering... and it's summer.

Also, random funny story. Forgot to lock the bathroom door at some point and scarred some poor dreamhack crew girl for life. Sorry, I didn't mean to have you see me peeing. :(

Here's pictures. That's all anybody comes here for anyway haha

 Taeja~ 

 Sleepy nerds at their computers in the morning..

 So cute. :3 

 Breakfast... new combination. Not bad. 

 Awesome guy! haha I love this pic :) 

 So. This is what I waited three hours for. Turns out I was disappointed. Huk was super cold and I just got every impression that he wanted to be ANYWHERE else but at Dreamhack taking a picture with me. I kind of felt like he was an asshole, harsh, I know. But that was just how I felt. So upsetting. I saw him three times over the last two days and none of them were good times for a picture. TWICE when I was going to the bathroom and he was coming out. I think we have synced bladders or something, wtf. Anyway, I am a sad panda. :( 

 Sirscoots and an amazing photobomb... also... MVPKeen. 

Stephano gives good cuddles man. He got up nice and close, it was nice actually haha. 

Dream Hack Summer - Day 1

Finally, I'm posting again! I am currently sitting in one of the huge entrance halls at 6am in Dreamhack, Sweden. How is this even my life, so amazing! It's freezing as shit right now, and being the genius that I am I only have one piss poor excuse for a sweater. Currently sitting on a heater, with my computer on my lap just hoping for the best. I think after this post I might go casually stand in the massive hall with >9000 computers.

Anyway.

So, my epic journey starts at the ZOB am Funkturm in Berlin on an average summer's night at 10:30pm. I sit waiting for effing ages, until I am allowed to board the bus. On the way on the bus driver just starts to take my backpack and tries to pack into the baggage area. Pfft, please bus driver. I'm going to sit for 13 hours and twiddle my thumbs? I take a painstaking, embarrassingly long amount of time to take all the stuff I need out of my bag and put it into my teeny tiny karstadt shopping bag... that's already filled with food.

None of which matters because as soon as I get on the bus I take a sleeping tablet and immediately check out for quite a few hours. The bus ride was much like this the whole way. We stopped in Copenhagen for about 1.5 hours. I kind of just clung to two German people, both on their way to Sweden. One actually was coming to Dreamhack, but he wasn't into Starcraft but HON. The other was a girl going to some "no-borders" camp thing... typical Berlin.

Anyway, there isn't much else to say about to bus ride other than it was long and I slept through most of it, waking up hourly due to horrid pains in various muscles. The buses were relatively empty so I always got two seats to myself.

I arrive at Jönköping about 1:30ish pm on Saturday and exchange my money. Realise that I'm not a billionaire and will likely starve in Sweden as a cup of water is equivalent to half a months rent. Obvs, not really, but it's very expensive here.

Anyway... one excruciatingly crowded public bus and a merry chase later we (German Bro and myself) arrive at Dreamhack! Woo!!! I cannot accurately describe how massive this place is, the amount of people and computers here are just absolutely mindboggling. You have never seen anything else in your life, just huge, huge halls filled with nerds and computers. There are a surprising lot of children here, teenagers around 13 or so walking around with their glam-ed up girlfriends. It's so weird.

So I spent most the day just kind of walking around, trying to figure out where the hell everything was. The only thing I could find was the Starcraft 2 play area and Incontrol and Khaldor's stream.

I got super sick of lugging my heavy baggage everywhere so I put in the locker, and while I was knee deep in transferring things I needed to a bag... I see Hero walk past. I'm like "Hero!" "Don't go! Picture?". Look around the hall, it's just the two of us and my stuff is strewn all over the floor... awkward silence ensues for a few moments. Hero says he will go outside and smoke and come back, so I get my shit organised and then wait for him. Seriously, such an awesome guy - Good Guy Hero! He comes back, but we still have the dilemma of who to take the picture for us. Eventually, after some of the most amazing awkward silence interspersed with bad small talk, we go up to the players lounge and hero gets his friend from the room and takes the picture for us. But of course my camera being the troll that it is... doesn't want to take any good shots. I felt so bad, took so long to get a good picture. I keep being like "Oh, don't worry we can just take the picture with my phone!"... but Hero's friend was like, NO! We're getting this shot! I believe in it! And eventually we did...

Look! That's me! With Hero! Loooook at it!

Anyway. The rest of the day kind of went by in a blur. I met with a guy from reddit and his Swedish friend and have become a leech upon their generosity, and basically went back and forth between the two streams depending on who was play. In the comings and goings I was lucky enough to meet players and some people from twitter. Awesome day all in all, so far it's definitely been worth it. Even if it means sleeping on the floor and freezing my non-existent bollocks off.

Also, some random Swedish kids just came and asked for me to sign their arm. Seriously, wtf haha 

And cue pictures. The lighting in here obviously sucks balls so it's super high ISO and even then most of them came out blurry. But enjoy them none-the-less

D'Apollo and DJWheat

Incontrol and Khaldor

Semi-Successful Macarons...

I used this recipe to make some macarons. Everytime I try to make them, I somehow screw them up spectacularly... I can't say this time was overly different...

This time, it wasn't the mixture I got wrong. Turns out I just piped out the macrons like a grade A retard. They were all uneven in size, and apparently Oval = Circle to my brain. I also used my French Earl Gray tea, but the leaves are quite large and are hence unpleasant when you eat the macarons. So next time I will crush them into much smaller pieces.

I've learnt so much from this. The feet formed, the texture across the top is exactly as it should be. After I saw the mess I made of the piping, I didn't bother making a filling. haha Next time... next time. :D

Glaub an dichhh, vertrauuu darauuffff ♪♪♪

♪ zwei Welten, eine Familie...glaub an dich, vertrau darauf...das Leben zeigt die wie!! ♪ Ugh Tarzan + Lasagne = BEST TIME EVERRRR.